• The start of a new semester at school.  I am taking Data Structures (C++), Discrete Mathematics 2, and Assembly Language (MIPS-32).  I may be on par to finish my certificate by the end of this year, then off to get a MS degree starting next year (while working full-time at that point).
• I’ve regressed on my blood clot.  My INR has been down lately for no reason that I can see.  So I’m on a frequent testing rotation until it gets stable.  My urological issue remains unsteady, but I feel it will always be undecided on how I’m doing.
• Last week I visited the counseling center at school and took a battery of psychological tests. Apparently I suffer from a form of high functional autism called Asperger’s Syndrome.  Now that I’ve read the different symptoms of this syndrome, it is very obvious that I meet most of the symptoms and have met them throughout my life (even using the new not-yet-to-be-published DSM-V guidelines).  For most people, this type of diagnosis can be a crushing blow.  In my case, I have had to learn how to accommodate the difference in the way that my brain is wired and have learned  how to interact in a bare-minimum fashion with other people.  As such, the diagnosis was a relief to me in that I now understand many of the weird idiosyncrasies that I shared with no one else that I knew.

  For those who don’t know what the base symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome, it can be basically broken down to having several of the following:

  • Inability (or restricted) empathy towards others
  • Unsteady gait, balance, coordination issues
  • Lack of noticing verbal and non-verbal clues from others
  • Communications difficulties with other (i.e., due to taking most concepts literally, not being able to look at people in the eyes, not picking up social cues in conversations, etc)
  • Intense interest in certain topics, especially those dealing with math, science, engineering, and technology.
  • Detail oriented – Finding details/patterns or arriving at especially unique solutions to problems.
  • Late Speech Development
  • Dislike physical contact
  • Extremely good long term memory, terrible short term memory
  • Difficulty in reading emotions in others.

  There are many more symptoms, but these are the key ones in my diagnosis.

  There are many online quizzes out there that can give you a quick analysis, but still you need a professional analysis to be sure.

  For me, my score on the most comprehensive of the tests is as follows:

  Your Aspie score: 170 of 200
  Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 25 of 200
  You are very likely an Aspie
  (http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php)

  

I guess that is it for now.  I have two concerts that I need to process and post, but that will be next weekend at the earliest.  Have a great week.

I’ve also removed quite a few old posts that are no longer pertinent. More is coming shortly. I promise to do better this time…

What is this wall? The bricks of it are worry, anxiety, indecisiveness, and pessimism. How do I manifest this? The biggest brick is that of worry. I worry much less now than I did in the past, but still it is a major part of my life. Most of my decisions are made to minimize worry (or change) – many to the detriment of what I need to do. Combine this worry and my natural sense of pessimism fuels one of my major problems – hypochondriaism. I am guessing that much of the pain that I have felt in the past two or three months have been fueled by this sense of worry and pessimism (and a dose of stress, to be sure). It is this pessimism that leads me to think the worst of any possible situation. Even now, I have been thinking of the worst case scenario from my last procedure and have been planning on what I should do now – before I have any clue of how it went. This leads to a downward spiral that never seems to end.

Worry, anxiety, and indecisiveness fuel another of my life’s battles – that of work. I’ll be honest and say that I dislike work. I like most of the people and some of the things that I do, but in general, work has been more drudgery than a positive experience. Worry and anxiety play a big role in this matter – worry in that I fear the unknown and anxiety in that I won’t be able to fit in or have enough knowledge in whatever new endeavors I may follow. My current job has been my first “real” job (by “real”, I’m discounting jobs that I had either in or before college) and fear not having the safety or security of a job has kept me chained.

But now back to this wall that interferes with so much of life. There is a root solution to this, and it is one that I find incredibly difficult. It is a matter of “faith”. It is clear that my worry and anxiety is fueled by my limited faith (Matthew 8:26 – “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”). I have had this confirmed in a discussion a few months ago with a friend who told me that I was probably the strongest Christian he knew who had so little faith. That comment stung then and now, but it is true. This is a prime area that I need to focus on – by letting go and having faith.

At the Easter sermon I attended yesterday, one of the things we were to do is to fill out a card describing our own personal “brick wall” and that the pastor would pray to help us overcome this obstacle. Any guesses on what my card mentioned? Helping me to extend my faith and learn to let go and give my life completely to God. With more faith, my struggles with worry (Matthew 6:27-29 “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?” or 1 Peter 5:7 – “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”), anxiety (Phillipians 4:6-7 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”), or pessimism (Matthew 19:26 – “With God, all things are possible.”) should be overcome.

Part of my struggles with faith has been discerning what I should do. I have asked for guidance, but my ears aren’t attuned to hear the words of the Lord. I have only heard the words of the Lord in times of extreme stress in my life and I have heeded the guidance. I pray for guidance, but I’m oblivious to many of the cues. Others have told me they see the direction I am to go, but I am still blind and deaf. This is an area of my life that I must tackle and attune my ears and heart toward God.

Pray for me. Pray that my faith is strengthened and that I learn to be attuned towards the will of God. Thank you.

Again, if you are a member of the band and want a ZIP file of the MP3 files, just contact me.

This is from the Comal Community Band concert held on February 25 at First Protestant Church for the New Braunfels Music Study Club. This is from the second half of the concert as the first half did not record (i.e., we are missing Wicked and the Sound of Music). I also did not post the songs from the Hill Country Chorus as I’m not a member of their group and I don’t know if they want their music posted.

Our performance was one song – Symphonic Dances from Fiddler on the Roof. This was taken mid-stage with the good recorder (note the difference in recording quality).

Again, if you are a band member, you can email me for the link (if it isn’t sent out in an email).

http://www.jeffreyrandow.org/mp3audio/hccb-fiddler.mp3 | Symphonic Dances from Fiddler on the Roof

If you are a member of the band and would like the full MP3 packages, please contact me and I’ll give you a link.

For more information about the HCCB, please visit their website

Link of the Week:  Stagelight – How to Do Cable Wrapping – I learned this one from Philip, Jeff, and Doug last night, but the video helps to reinforce the idea.  This will show you how to wind cables in such a way that you could hold one end and throw the rest of it to unwind it.

This post is also my attempt to renew my blogging.  This blog is strictly for my personal and non-computer-techy thoughts.  I haven’t been the most active person the past few weeks/months/years.  I’m hoping that this will act as a part of my re-engaging my passions of life that I have been either purposefully or unconsciously been ignoring to my detriment.  I feel like I am so behind in what I could and should be doing.  It’s time to stop being so regimented in things that must get done.  I’m living in a such a world that I will be (and have been) buried by the self-imposed obligations that are of little importance in the long term.  (And no, this doesn’t mean I am ready to quit just yet…  Sorry…)

More later as I try to follow this latest path.

P.S. My Network Blog should get a bit more active, but I have been so out of it lately that I don’t feel qualified to post anything there…

This is an excerpt of an email I sent to my office staff:

In the (immediate) aftermath of Tropical Storm Hermine, I thought you might like to know the total precipitation that has fallen as a result of this storm.  This data was obtained by individuals using high accuracy manual rain gauges and are part of the CoCoRaHS network (Community Collaborative Rain, Hail, and Snow Network) – I’m station TX-CML-38.  The graphs below indicate the total precipitation recorded in the prior 24 hour period.  For the purpose of determining the total rainfall, add up the two values from both maps.

Additional data like this is available at http://cocorahs.org/Maps/ViewMap.aspx for different counties and different days.

Total Precipitation for Bexar County as of 7 AM Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Total Precipitation for Bexar County as of 7 AM Tuesday, September 7, 2010: